Blog Post #5 Begin with the End in Mind
Begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired direction and destination, and then continue by flexing your proactive muscles to make things happen. Visualize whatever you want as complete. Practice mindfulness for what you create in the world. Be mindful about your reactions or failing to get a result. Make sure you are always looking for what is missing in those moments. Also, be mindful about what you are committed to creating moving forward and who you are committed to being moving forward. This is what it would sound like in a perfect world but unfortunately or at least for me this is not how I have ever drawn anything up because I never have a clear image of what the end result will be for anything I set out to do. I very rarely can I see a clear image of exactly what I want and I feel like a lot of people are like that and this is where we get tripped up even before we get started. Notice it doesn’t say have every detail figured out and a clear and distinct image or idea of the end product in mind even before you get started if it said this, people would most likely never start anything. Here are a few examples from my life that I will use to illustrate this point.
I met my wife at a bachelor party in 2009 at a bar that you can imagine is like every other hole in the wall local bar you have ever been to in America. Yes, I was drunk and that is why I was able to talk to her and her mom who I am sure was clearly impressed with me at the time. We dated, we were friends, and we did a long-distance thing, and then we were friends, and then we were a couple, and then we moved in together, and then we bought a house together, and then we got engaged and finally we got married. Not exactly how you would draw something like that out but it worked for us and we have an amazing story that took 6 years to unfold with all of its ups and downs the good times and the really bad times that is the story of us. I did not know from the beginning I was going to marry Amanda at one point I specifically told her we would never be together I dated other girls, I kept her around as a friend and flaunted girls in front of her and behind her back because I was so scared of what we had I was unwilling to admit that we were more than friends, we were more than a fling, and she would be by my side even after all these other girls tried to take her place. Remember in my head I am the good guy so I did not mean to put her through such an ordeal but I did want someone special I just didn’t know the kind of shit you go through to figure out what you really want. I always wanted something special in high school I got dumped by way more girls than I ever broke up with and I would get so depressed when they would break my heart in front of the entire freshman class at the high school football game (true story) or break up with me on my birthday (totally happened!). I didn’t take these as lessons I took them as failures and I so didn’t want to fail in love so I toughened my heart up and tried not to get too attached so I would not get hurt but it didn’t work. Every time I would try not to get attached but I was not the tough guy with a heart of stone I was trying to portray and I think Amanda always knew that that is why she stuck around I honestly don’t know what else it was because when I look back or think about those days I wanna punch myself in the face. I treated this beautiful, amazing, sexy, smart, strong, confident woman like garbage because I didn’t understand love, I was confused, I thought it was supposed to be easy or some other lame excuse I am sure I told myself at the time. She saw in me what I knew I was but I fought so desperately to hide from the world. I didn’t see any of that when I strolled into the bar to get a drink and met the MOST AMAZING person I’ve ever met, and she still surprises me to this day how one minute she can cuddle with me and be so vulnerable in my arms and the next she is so stone-faced that I think I did something wrong. I’m still that lost little boy looking for love I just have my eyes open now and I am grateful for every chance I get to be in love with my best friend. I guess you could say that the end that I had in mind was love, I tried shortcuts, schemes, diversions, manipulations, and transformations but none of it worked because I wasn’t trying to be myself. Somehow, my amazing wife could see the real person in me and she was willing to go through some serious shit to see that little seed of love bear fruit. As far back as I can remember I was in kindergarten and I fell in love with Charlene Archer and that is where my quest for love began, sadly Charlene never knew that I had a crush on her because I was a boy and boys don’t tell girls things like that so she never knew and that is where my twisted tortured battered and broken road of love began. Luckily, the end I seek is still in the distance and it’s greater than anything I could ever imagine, now married, I get to work on perfecting our wonderfully imperfect marriage with the only one I would ever want to make such a journey with; my lovely wife Amanda.
I began coaching soccer at about the age of 17, our high school did a Youth soccer camp towards the end of July where young players would get the opportunity to be coached by the high school players they looked up to, this was a great camp but we also knew it was a simple way for our Head coach to keep tabs on us so we were not partying too much or getting too far out of shape. Coaching has always been a natural thing for me I remember the only time it didn’t feel natural was when I first started coaching my college team the first day of conditioning or the second practice of the day was a scrimmage and our coach wanted to see everyone play after a 2-mile run and a 2 hour morning session of conditioning where I am sure multiple people got injured, heat exhaustion or puked. The coach just divided everyone up into small teams and told the assistance to stop play and analyze some of the decision-making of the players which was something I did almost automatically as a player for most of my life but for some reason when I was put in that situation I froze, I was a coach, I had to have more clout than “because I Fuckin said so!” which was common for most soccer players to say when you are a player and you demand one of your teammates follow your every fucking instruction. We didn’t do well arguing or discussing why things were the way they were you told people what you saw and then you told them how to fix it end of discussion. As a coach for some reason I lost my clout and I felt I had to have more reason behind my explanations it was the first time I had ever felt that I didn’t know what I was doing on the soccer field and in my coaching career it was definitely not the last. Coaching has evolved for me from a fancy way to babysit kids, I started out really just being an authority to children trying to show them the basics, as the years went on I learned the many responsibilities that came with being a coach, manager, administrator, recruiter, motivator, leader, and mentor. Now being a coach for me is the only job I could ever really imagine having, of course I own my own gym and coach people or other coaches every day and my job description is something that most people might not find very appealing but it's something that brings joy to my daily life I honestly never thought possible. So here is a brief description of my current job:
You have to get up early, really early like 4 am early every day (except weekends, thank god!) and be ready for anything and everything to happen mostly before or during the morning hours. Always be prepared to coach a class or answer numerous questions about workouts, nutrition, recovery, supplements, equipment, and life. Your time at the gym may be limited but you will always be working on the next program or the next thing that is going to happen, and you are going to live in a constant state of motion. People will be coming and going from the gym some stay for years and others don’t last very long but you still treat everyone the same and if you get the opportunity to really connect with them it is always hard to say goodbye but most of the time they always come back and they are always appreciative of the time you spent with them. You will be responsible for all of your coaches programs, successes, and education so never assume they are taking care of these things and always ask. You will also keep track of all the financials for the gym and know who makes what, how much the gym is bringing in each month, and specific details about everyone who walks through those doors. You will be the head maintenance guy, as well as the head custodian, and lead supplier of all supplies and supplements. When you are at the gym you will try to get all of these responsibilities completed or delegated, as well as train for at least 1 hour almost every day and be ready to have a meaningful conversation with anyone at any time because they trust you.
I am sure I am missing a few things but that is mostly what I would say I do and I am sure my 17-year-old self would think something very stupid and shallow because I didn’t know much when I was that young but I do think I have learned a few things since then and I am proud of the person I am still trying to become. The point is, I have always wanted love and a career, of course, I had some preconceived notions about both but when those were destroyed or deteriorated I didn’t give up I kept searching or redirecting to find something that made me happy you don’t have to know what it will look, feel, and be all you have to do is be willing to give it a try even if you think it will fail miserably, and make it your own if you don’t like the way it sounds in a description. That’s at least how it happened for me and I am grateful for every step of the way.